24 Dec ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the office,
Not a keyboard was clacking—the quiet was flawless;
Except the low rumble of some rooftop unit,
Humming and droning, in need of improvement.
The meters were hung near the Soundbook with care,
In hopes that Leo Beranek’s ghost soon would be there;
The acousticians were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of noise models danced in their heads;
When out in the back there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Wishing we’d shelled out for laminated glass.
The moon shining full on our neighbour’s back deck,
Meant that nighttime criteria was now in effect.
When what did my expertly tuned cochleae hear,
But a muffler-less sled and eight tiny reindeer.
Through a stereo system cranked well past eleven,
Blasted a Bruno Mars hit, “Locked Out of Heaven.”
And the guy at the wheel was no Wallace Sabine,
But the animals listened when he called to the team:
“Now, Larson! Now, Davis! Now Kjaer and Brüel!
On, Cadna! On, Insul! On, BARTEC and DUO!
To the top of the roof! Where they keep the AC!
“We’ll recommend treatment so the neighbours can sleep.”
Despite all the racket and brutish behaviour,
It seemed the small man was doing us a huge favour.
Could it be that it was our rooftop unit a-rumbling?
Breaking the bylaws, sending neighbours home grumbling?
Oh how inconsistent, that sled and that stereo,
And all of the reindeer named after our heroes.
But installing mitigation in the dead of the night,
Meant we would avoid the uncomfortable sight,
Of the bylaw police showing up at our door,
With a ticket, a fine, a sour look, and much more.
So I went back indoors, and I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
And the ambient noise grew quieter while,
The herbivore crew installed acoustical tile.
Then all was silent, so I went to the street,
The red-clad acoustician, I was hoping to meet
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
The BKL team wishes you the happiest of holidays and the very best for 2020!